Christmas rant

The shallowness and misguided judgment of our species infuriates me. Why do people try to conform with the norms of society? Why do they want to fit in to social groups, and be respected? Respected by who? Arseholes who have as much integrity as them…which is none!! A majority nation of wouldbe Freuds who believe they can grasp an insight of psychology where they psychoanalysis others to fix into their own narrative into something comforting to them but know fu&king nothing, only social media memes which they sound off on to mask their ignorance. The growling pumped up paper tigers you come across that try and give you that alpha-male dominant stare when really you already have their measure and know how easy it would be to punch them in the throat then drag them across the floor by their ruptured eye sockets but it’s the disciplined self-restraint which stops you doing exploding to this extreme. but that constraint is considered a weakness? You slouch trying not to intimidate, exaggerate carefulness and act shy, look away, act a clown cause there is a difficulty finding a middle ground when you have experienced the extreme and know how that feels!! The release of it all. Just as is displaying good manners and the etiquette of politeness, it’s almost as if people see this as a deficiency to fit in and as a certain innocence but that is also a measured discipline as it would be easier and lazier just to show rude indifference and not care a damn, it’s not a naïvety to display old fashioned mannerisms, on the contrary, you know exactly how things are but that same mannerism holds your tongue from speaking out your observations and how you weigh that person up, as if you really believe someone is not worth your time then you would just ignore them and never bother. Always allow people to underestimate you, never display your strength only use them as a last resort. Others will judge you on what they believe they see but expect you to judge them on what they believe to be their inner person, but really they are just weak feeble fools. Socialising can be such hard work….here endeth my rant.

Coffee Nap

Drinking a cup of coffee followed by a 20-minute rest can give you an effective siesta that fuels your day and refreshes the mind. I have been doing this recently as I am a terrible sleeper at night and these wee coffee naps help me get through my day. Great if I’m off work and needing to finish reading a book and find myself drifting off on the sofa or if I’m studying or need a little boost before hitting the gym later.

Sound madness or even counter-intuitive? After all, we drink caffeine for alertness, not to sleep. Here’s how it works and the science behind it. A quick coffee nap is an incredible way to boost energy and productivity during your day because of what goes on in your brain as it’s happening. When you drink caffeine, it passes to your small intestine and gets absorbed into your bloodstream. It then kickstarts your brain chemistry by blocking receptors normally filled by similar energy transferring molecules of Adenosine, a chemical compound in your brain known for causing drowsiness. Adenosine makes you feel sleepy by slowing down your brain’s nerve cell activity; so when caffeine binds to your receptors instead of Adenosine, the reverse happens… When caffeine takes Adenosine’s place in the receptors, it has the opposite effect; the nerve cells speed up giving us that jolt of caffeine energy and focus. he brilliance of the coffee nap is that sleep naturally clears Adenosine from your brain! I like to think of it as “steam-cleaning” the neurological pathways From the moment you drink your coffee to the moment you metabolize it is about 20 minutes of pure opportunity to not only rest, but to open up those Adenosine receptors to the caffeine you just imbibed You don’t have to fall into a deep sleep for a coffee nap to work. Half-sleep or “nonsleep dozing” has proven to be just as effective. I usually kick back on my sofa, TV off, parrot in a quiet mood and then I stick an eye mask on to darken my vision. A strong cup with 200mg of caffeine in the optimal amount, try to get it down your neck rapid and not sip it too long, caffeine tablets can work too although I have only tried it by drinking coffee. It’s important not to sleep any longer than 20 minutes as you can fall into sleep inertia, which is harder to wake from. You also need to be awake when that caffeine reaches your brain so I get my watch to vibrate on my wrist or my phone to ring. I have experienced little surreal dreams whilst coffee napping when I a sleepy limbo state, little recalls of memories I thought I’d forgotten…..quite strange. It has been scientifically proven to work. In several UK studies, researchers found that when subjects took a 15 minute coffee nap, they scored higher on a driving simulator test. In Japan, scientists founds their subjects scored higher on memory tests after coffee naps.  Subjects also claimed they felt less tired.

We Live in Deeds, not Years

There is a poem which I love called "we live in deeds, not years" We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts, not breaths; In feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart-throbs. He most lives Who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best. And he whose heart beats quickest lives the longest: Lives in one hour more than in years do some Whose fat blood sleeps as it slips along their veins. Life’s but a means unto an end; that end, Beginning, mean, and end to all things—God. The dead have all the glory of the world. I really like this but being an atheist I would prefer there was not a reference to an omnipresence which is understandable considering it was written in the 1800s and Bailey was influenced by Bryron so I much prefer the “bastardised” secular version on this which the modern philosopher A.C. Grayling used in the introduction of his “Good Book” secular Bibe which goes as this.... For we live in deeds, not years; in thoughts, not breaths; and our time should be counted in the throbs of our hearts as we love and help, learn and strive, and make from our own talents whatever can increase the stock of the world’s good. I read this over and over again and it never loses its initial impact on me! Although I do miss Bailey’s “fat blood sleeps as it slips along their veins” which is so descriptive of many who we unfortunately meet in the paths of our lives. Our life can feel like we are on a roundabout, a carousel like you see at the Edinburgh Christmas market, a merry-go-round at a fair. We wake up, go to work, finish, go to the gym, go home, eat, read, sleep, repeat. Perhaps go out to a club or a restaurant as a brief reprieve now and again, we go round and around and think that our life is a good one, but really we are fooling ourselves, “fat blood sleeps as it slips along their veins” there is no adventure in this. Do we think we can find adventure in an all inclusive holiday sipping cocktails by a pool? Does our hearts throb if we play tennis or golf at the weekends? Are we really coming off that turn-table or are we still just going around and around? One day that carousel we ride turns into a whirlpool, a vortex that threatens to suck us under. The most recent “vortex event” in my life was a prolonged death and decay of my dear mother who over the period of 3 years lost all her facilities to Alzheimer’s disease then eventually succumbing to vascular dementia. Sometimes we need that vortex to wake us up from the sleepy momentum that we experience on the carousel of life, something to put everything in perspective. We can’t and should not wait for such events, if you are lucky and blessed then perhaps such a whirlpool will not disrupt your life, hopefully when the cold hand of mortality lands of your heart due to someone that you love’s death it will not be so intense. so I have a little advice for you, as you go spinning around, turn one eye to the side every now and again. Look over the edge of the carousel and focus on a fixed object. Find a way to calculate your progress otherwise life will just pass before you wake up. We do need the bad so we can appreciate the good and understand that life is too short. Even when we led a blessed life without risk we still yearn excitement. The earliest stories even cite this, allow me to use a story from the “goat herder’s guide to the galaxy” the Adam and Eve story, they lived in a paradise, immortal, without labour or any pain. But still this abundance was not enough, what they lacked became their want!! Even in Eden they felt denied. They never had that perspective to value what they had. What is good without evil, love without hate? In my case I value life more when I have saw death up close and held the person I loved as I felt her last breath turn to air on my cheek, that puts life in perspective and how short it is, experiences such as that, also of my father and brother, such experiences open your eyes and allow the light of life to shine in. Perverse though as it maybe, the logic of it cant be denied. How can you truly appreciate seeing your opponent being counted out when you have never tasted the canvas yourself? How can you walk off a stage after a presentation and feel 10 feet tall if you have never knew the ache of painful shyness? We are not the fictional (by secular words) Adam and Even so we don’t have immortality but at least on these shores as I write from Scotland in the UK (and visitors to be blog will surely have access to the internet wherever you are so not 3rd world) we are spoilt with abundance and need the Damocles sword to dangle above our heads, we need adventure!! We yearn danger. We are creatures of desires that can not be satisfied and of dreams that will not come true yet we must set sail into the horizon every now and again to meet the storm face on, because it’s there that we will find the excitement we yearn for and will feel more fulfilled. Its outside of our comfort zones where we grow and develop the most. It’s these moments were our hearts beat the fastest. Each and every one of us should know these moments and continue pushing and seeking them out. Some maybe more extreme than others but each one of us has our own personal battles to face and we should not judge others, what they struggle with we may take for granted but that does not mean the mountain they have to climb is any less than the one we face, each to their own, we all have our personal demons to fight. The two most important events in my life are when I held my son’s hand for the first time and when I held my mum’s for the last.

Every ounce of my being when looked upon my son was a hope that he will be happy and lead a fulfilling life to the full, when holding my mum, I cried with the memories I had with her knowing that this would be the last. My hope is that my time comes it will be my son holding me, knowing how much I love his and having such memories with me, and I also want to know that in my life, despite any deficiencies or awkwardness I had, I lived it to the full and fear never deterred me from adventure. Never feel making a fool of yourself attempting to enjoy life. The fools are these arseholes who attempt to judge you as they sit on the sidelines, when the day comes to cash in your chips if you have led life to the full you will regret nothing!! Life is too short for fears.