The Deep "dark" Sea....Angler Fish (horror story)

I once had an obsession about the sea. All things nautical, the ocean, boats, sailing (I even joined the Sea Cadets), the coasts and most of all marine life. At one point I even wanted to become a marine biologist (I’m a telecom engineer so don’t know what wrong turn I took on the career path there) I am one of these few people that actually read the whole of moby dick not giving up after the first couple of chapters. I love boats and had the chance to sail in lots when in the cadets ( I think this rubbed off slightly onto my son who loves to read about the Titanic and knows even the tiniest of details about its doomed voyage) I think my love for the ocean began when as a little boy my mum and day use to take me in the caravan to Anstruther which is a small town in Fife, Scotland, nine miles south-southeast of St. Andrews.

I found a love for Sea Fishing off the pier there then later on out to sea in a small boat. I also loved wadding around the rock pools when the tide went out, netting crabs and little fish, havesting seaweed and taking it back to the caravan in my bucket. I loved visiting the Fishery Museum there too but the room within the Museum which drawn my attention the most was the aquarium room when a huge Conga eel was in a big glass tank.

I had a book about the deep sea and the monsters down at the bottom of the deepest dark oceans. I still love reading about these amazing creatures of the deep, we know more about the surface of the moon or Mars than we know about the bottom of our oceans! Only 0.05% of the oceans floor has been mapped to any detail. The deepest spot in the ocean is challenger deep at the southern end of the Mariana Trench ...over 7 miles deep....that just blows me away. In this post on my blog I want to write about the Angler Fish (no, it’s not a cooking post this time) in particular its mating habit which is scarier than any horror movie you can imagine.

If you are a male Angler fish on tinder do not swipe right! Just settle down with some Kleenex and bring up the Deep Sea World webpage....the alternate in not worth it! Males proven to be the weaker sex yet again When you think of an anglerfish, you probably think of something like the creature above: Big mouth. Gnarly teeth. Lure bobbing from its head. Endless nightmares following.

During the 19th century, when scientists began to discover, describe, and classify anglerfish from a particular branch of the anglerfish family tree—the suborder Ceratioidei—that’s what they thought of, too. The problem was that they were only seeing half the picture. The specimens that they were working with were all female, and they had no idea where the males were or what they looked like. Researchers sometimes found some other fish that seemed to be related based on their body structure, but they lacked the fearsome maw and lure typical of ceratioids and were much smaller—sometimes only as long as six or seven millimeters—and got placed into separate taxonomic groups. It wasn’t until the 1920s—almost a full century after the first ceratioid was entered into the scientific record—that things started to become a little clearer. In 1922, Icelandic biologist Bjarni Saemundsson discovered a female ceratioid with two of these smaller fish attached to her belly by their snouts. He assumed it was a mother and her babies, but was puzzled by the arrangement. “I can form no idea of how, or when, the larvae, or young, become attached to the mother. I cannot believe that the male fastens the egg to the female,” he wrote. “This remains a puzzle for some future researchers to solve.” When Saemundsson kicked the problem down the road, it was Charles Tate Regan, working at the British Museum of Natural History in 1924, who picked it up. Regan also found a smaller fish attached to a female ceratioid. When he dissected it, he realized it wasn’t a different species or the female angler’s child. It was her mate. The “missing” males had been there all along, just unrecognized and misclassified, and Regan and other scientists, like Norwegian zoologist Albert Eide Parr, soon figured out why the male ceratioids looked so different. They don’t need lures or big mouths and teeth because they don’t hunt, and they don’t hunt because they have the females. The ceratioid male, Regan wrote, is “merely an appendage of the female, and entirely dependent on her for nutrition.” In other words, a parasite. When ceratioid males go looking for love, they follow a species-specific pheromone to a female, who will often aid their search further by flashing her bioluminescent lure. Once the male finds a suitable mate, he bites into her belly and latches on until his body fuses with hers. Their skin joins together, and so do their blood vessels, which allows the male to take all the nutrients he needs from his host/mate’s blood. The two fish essentially become one. With his body attached to hers like this, the male doesn't have to trouble himself with things like seeing or swimming or eating like a normal fish. The body parts he doesn’t need anymore—eyes, fins, and some internal organs—atrophy, degenerate and wither away, until he’s little more than a lump of flesh hanging from the female, taking food from her and providing sperm whenever she’s ready to spawn.

Extreme size differences between the sexes and parasitic mating aren’t found in all anglerfish. Throughout the other suborders, there are males that are free-swimming their whole lives, that can hunt on their own and that only attach to the females temporarily to reproduce before moving along. For deep-sea ceratioids that might only rarely bump into each other in the abyss, though, the weird mating ritual is a necessary adaptation to keep mates close at hand and ensure that there will always be more little anglerfish. And for us, it’s something to both marvel and cringe at, a reminder that the natural world is often as strange as any fiction we can imagine. Naturalist William Beebe put it nicely in 1938, writing, “But to be driven by impelling odor headlong upon a mate so gigantic, in such immense and forbidding darkness, and willfully eat a hole in her soft side, to feel the gradually increasing transfusion of her blood through one’s veins, to lose everything that marked one as other than a worm, to become a brainless, senseless thing that was a fish—this is sheer fiction, beyond all belief unless we have seen the proof of it.” You can actually see this on the wonderful BBC documentary “Blue Planet”

Crab linguine with chilli & parsley

This is a simple to prepare dish which I cooked at the weekend when the sun was shining and the rain had stopped. Makes a change cooking a pasta dish without any cheese.

400g linguine I use Napolina Linguine from the super market but noticed tesco does its own brand Tripoline pasta which looks amazing with all its groves which would hold the sauce and meat wonderfully.

4 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil 1 red chilli, deseeded and chopped 2 garlic cloves, finely chopped 1 whole cooked crab, picked, or about 100g/4oz brown crabmeat and 200g/7oz fresh white crabmeat If you really want to make this authentically super fresh you need to buy a live crab either in a coastal town when the boats come in or Chinese supermarkets in Glasgow have them. Killing them is a different matter (reversing the back wheels of the car over them does not work) you need to drive a spike to kill them humanly (you can learn from you-tube videos) small splash, about 5 tbsp, white wine small squeeze of lemon (optional) large handful flat-leaf parsley leaves, very finely chopped Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil and add the linguine. Give it a good stir and boil for 1 min less than the pack says. Stir well occasionally so it doesn’t stick. While the pasta cooks, gently heat 3 tbsp of olive oil with the chilli and garlic in a pan large enough to hold all the pasta comfortably. Cook the chilli and garlic very gently until they start to sizzle, then turn up the heat and add the white wine. Simmer everything until the wine and olive oil come together. Then take off the heat and add the brown crabmeat, using a wooden spatula or spoon to mash it into the olive oil to make a thick sauce. When the pasta has had its cooking time, taste a strand – it should have a very slight bite. When it’s ready, turn off the heat. Place the sauce on a very low heat and use a pair of kitchen tongs to lift the pasta from the water into the sauce. Off the heat, add the white crabmeat and parsley to the pasta with a sprinkling of sea salt. Stir everything together really well, adding a drop of pasta water if it’s starting to get claggy. Taste for seasoning and, if it needs a slight lift, add a small squeeze of lemon. Serve immediately twirled into pasta bowls and drizzled with the remaining oil. I like to serve with the crab craws whole and one to each side for decoration, its nice to serve in the upturned crab shell if you can but the shell is usually too small for a giant helping

Whisky Review #5 Woodford Reserve

For my fifth whisky review for my blog I am going to review Bourbon, not as classy as single malt by any means but bourbons do have their place.

The main difference between scotch and whisky is geographic, but also ingredients and spellings. Scotch is whisky made in Scotland, while bourbon is whiskey made in the U.S.A, generally Kentucky. Scotch is made mostly from malted barley, while bourbon is distilled from corn. I would most certainly frown upon you asking for ice if I served you a single malt in my house (well actually I would refuse cause how can you possible palate a single malt to appreciate it when your taste buds are numb, perhaps you would appreciate my parrots drinking water just as much if I added a little vodka…ok rant over) but bourbon does deserve some ice, I don’t agree too much with mixers such as cola although Jack Daniels is nice with coke. One of my favourites is Maple Jim Beam with ice. I am reviewing Labrot and Graham’s Woodford Reserve (distiller’s select) as I opened a bottle this weekend with company. It was Batch 121, bottle 2236 to be precise.

Woodford Reserve is a brand of premium small batch Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey. It is made from a mixture of pot still spirits distilled at the company's Woodford Reserve Distillery in Woodford County, in north-central Kentucky, and column still spirits from the Brown Forman Distillery in Shively, Kentucky. Each bottle is numbered with a batch number and bottle number. Woodford Reserve's alcohol content is 45.2% alcohol. I served this with lots of ice but I did the tasting notes on the raw sprit. The nose is quite thick and creamy. There are notes of honey and spice, leather, a touch of cocoa, a little smoke, toasty oak and vanilla cream with a hint of butterscotch. The palate is thick and full. There are notes of espresso beans, winter spice, cereal sweetness, plenty of rye, ground ginger, almond oil, toasty oak and a little rum. The finish is long and mature with notes of cereals and toasty oaken spice. Most people here in Scotland use the clichés JD and Jim Beam when drinking bourbon but this fellow is worth a try, perhaps slightly more expensive but shop around for a good price. It’s about £31 on amazon just now but try the stores for a better price, I have most certainly seen for under 30 quid. It comes in a lovely box too, easy to conceal on your book shelf so no one will ask for it when you have visitors :-) . Would make a lovely gift when wrapped in wrapping paper. Far classier than JD or JB and corked cap makes a lovely popping sound. The unique batch and bottle number does stand out too. I would recommend over the usual bourbons but if you are going to pay £30 for a Bourbon then why now splash out on a nice single malt instead? That’s my thoughts, yes the bourbon will last longer as you will use ice and (I hope not) a mixture but a nice malt to me will always triumph over any Bourbon.

Scones

Scones are an easy to make treat. I am sure we have all made them as kids at school. There differs from a teacake and other sweet buns, which are made with yeast. A scone is in some senses a type of pastry since it is made with essentially the same ingredients as shortcrust, though with different proportions of fat to flour. 225g/8oz self raising flour pinch of salt 55g/2oz butter 25g/1oz caster sugar 150ml/5fl oz milk 1 free-range egg, beaten, to glaze (alternatively use a little milk)

Preparation method 1.Heat the oven to 220C/425F/Gas 7. Lightly grease a baking sheet. 2.Mix together the flour and salt and rub in the butter. 3.Stir in the sugar and then the milk to get a soft dough. 4.Turn on to a floured work surface and knead very lightly. Pat out to a round 2cm/¾in thick. Use a 5cm/2in cutter to stamp out rounds and place on a baking sheet. Lightly knead together the rest of the dough and stamp out more scones to use it all up. 5.Brush the tops of the scones with the beaten egg. Bake for 12-15 minutes until well risen and golden.

Serve with butter and good jam and maybe some clotted cream. For me I like to serve with fresh raspberries, wee bit jam and clotted cream with nice freshly brewed coffee…heavenly

Whisky review #4 Highland Park

For my fourth whisky review for my blog I have enlisted the help of Oscar the tree frog, his qualifications are I’m running out of guests to do reviews and that’s good enough.

Today we are reviewing the ever popular Highland Park 12 year old single malt. Highland Park distillery is based in Kirkwall, Orkney. It is the most northerly whisky distillery in Scotland, half a mile farther north than that at Scapa distillery.

In 1984, Highland Park was the only whisky ever to have scored a rating of 100% by the regular tasting team of The Scotsman. It’s certainly a great all rounder and I have never heard a bad word against it. Tasting notes…Nose: lilly pads, Palate:flies Finish:yes please…OK, I’ll take over and Oscar is back in the box….. Nose: Fresh, clean and very aromatic. Floral notes abound the senses with a light grassiness. Notes of creamy manuka honey and a touch of juicy citrus with cream and a well-balanced sweetness. Palate: Rather full with a pleasant subtlety to the depths. Lurking somewhere in the substratum a grilled orange lies. Notes of granary toast and green tea with jasmine. A touch of sweetness. Finish: Quite long with peppered spicy and wood shavings.

Whisky review #3 Glenfiddich

For my third whisky review for my blog I have enlisted the help of Rocky (or Rockychino as he now prefers to be known) to be my guest reviewer. His qualifications….after a few his head sinks and he can’t raise his pecker.

Today we shall review another fine single malt …..Glenfiddich 12 years old. Glenfiddich is a Speyside single malt Scotch whisky owned and produced by William Grant & Sons in Dufftown, Scotland. Glenfiddich means ‘Valley of the Deer' in Scottish Gaelic, hence the presence of a stag symbol on Glenfiddich bottles The Glenfiddich Distillery was founded in 1886 by William Grant in Dufftown, Scotland, in the glen of the River Fiddich. The Glenfiddich single malt whisky first ran from the stills on Christmas Day, 1887

Tasting notes…Nose..sunflowerseeds, palate..mullet, finish…like a perch burn on my crotch…OK, I shall do this part…. Nose: Grain. Slightly floral, mineralic. Spirity, orchard fruit, malty, honey. Citrus develops. Palate: Light, floral, spices. Very smooth. Finish: Sweet, touch of oak and general fruit, oily. Overall: Stereotypical Speyside. Consistent - a good benchmark. Glenfiddich 12 year is consistent and good quality. It’s a decent sipper, only get if under £30 and don’t bother too much about the older 15 and 18 year olds.

Whisky review #2 Tobermory

For my second whisky review for my blog I have enlisted the help of Brian to be my guest reviewer. Brian is my Siamese fighting fish and his qualification here is …well he drinks like a fish.

Brian is going to review a fine single malt called Tobermory.

Tobermory is the capital of, and the only burgh on, the Isle of Mull in the Scottish Inner Hebrides. It is located in the northeastern part of the island, near the northern entrance of the Sound of Mull. It’s also has a colourful waterfront which was chosen by the BBC as the location of the popular children’s television series Balamory so it’s a kinda club 3-8 holiday destination for the wee ones so no excuses not to visit the distillery there when the little ones are filling their faces with sweeties and talking to strangers who smell like wet sheep. Anyway….onto taste… Nose..fish, palate..fish and finish..green allege ….OK Brian, let me take over… Nose: Quite light and fresh. There are notes of barley sugars and toasted cereals, hints of winter spice and a soft oak with notes of salty melted butter and ground ginger. Palate: Quite sweet and light. There are notes of acacia honey and a soft oak, the smoke and peppers thereof rise gently with a touch of dried fruit and peel with a cinnamon note. Finish: Long and herbal with a touch of pepper.

It drinks well, albeit with a weak finish. But, it's not overly sweet and has a light smoky and saline quality, 46.3% so a little bit water added will bring out the taste. A smell of smell of honey and ginger or this could just be my lemsip I took beforehand. It’s a nice malt but often overpriced, if you can get for under £30 as a did as a special offer in Sainsburys then its work a try.

Whisky review #1 Bunnahabhain

Decided to do some whisky reviews for my blog. Concentrating on the single malts but hoping to get a few blends in to, perhaps a few bourbons added in for diversity. As you know…I’m not much a drinker (..ahem) so I shall be using the help of a guest reviewer and in this case I shall enlist my son’s Monkey who is imaginatively named “Bluey”

Unlike me Bluey is a raging alcoholic but does have a taste for the finer things in life to today a pis%ed up Bluey shall be reviewing a fine single Islay Malt called Bunnahabhain. Bunnahabhain (pronounced BUN-a-HAV-in, from Scottish Gaelic Bun na h-Abhainn meaning "foot of the river is a village on the northeast coast of the isle of Islay, which is in the Argyll and Bute area of Scotland, in the Inner Hebrides group of islands. It is also the name of a malt whisky distillery located there, but enough of the georgraphy lesson…..let’s take a swig.

Tasting notes…. Nose…Bannanas Palate…Fellow primates Bum Finish…Banana leafs Ok Bluey…..let me butt in here for a bit….. Nose: Fresh, sweet. Seaweed, malt. Palate: Soft, supple. Sherry, nutty. A little sweetness, malty, juicy sultana. Slightly coastal. Finish: Sherried, mochaccino, herbal, balanced salty tang. Not as peaty as most other Islays. This is a 12 year old malt although you can get older versions (but as the priests say…older is not always better) and its un-chillfiltered so if you add ice (and go to hell for adding ice to a fine malt you idiot) then it may go cloudy. It does have a smooth, lovely nose, lingering mellow aftertaste and at 46.3% vol it may benefit from a couple drops of water so the alcohol burn on your tounge does not mask the tastes. All in all I would rate this single malt 4 out of 5 bananas

Dearn's Baked Alaska

It was never my intentions of making this a cookery blog but it seems to be fulling up with recipes and I rather enjoy sharing them. Cooking (and baking) is very therapeutic for me (as in writing this blog) This is not to say that I have any mental problems (which I am aware of) but cooking in my kitchen certainly soothe jangled nerves, heal broken hearts and cure boredom, insomnia and anxiety so what more do you need without taking a pill? Cooking builds self-esteem and curb negative thinking by focusing the mind on following a recipe and when people compliment you of what you have prepared then it really feels worth the effort. One dish which I have had great success and am very proud of is my Baked Alaska. Baked Alaska (also known as glace au four, omelette à la norvégienne, Norwegian omelette and omelette surprise) is a dessert food consisting of ice cream and cake topped with browned meringue.

This dish defies the laws of physics as you end up sticking ice cream is a very hot open and once its done it always is a pleasant surprise to me cutting it open and finding the ice cream still frozen

Firstly I make a pint of my favorite ice cream, I have covered this previously on my blog so wont go into details but this time I made strawberry with double cream and real fresh strawberries. Once prepared I pack the ice cream in a glass bowl which I have lined with clingfilm them place in the freezer to get super hard. I then prepare a basic Victorian sponge to the size circumerance to my glass bowl which I placed the ice cream in. Its sometimes nice to add a little vanilla or rose water to the sponge mixture. One the sponge is baked and cooled I place on baking paper and on a baking tray, I then take the ice cream out of the fridge, coax out of the bowl by placing briefly in a sink of hot water then tugging on the clingfilm. I invert the bowl over the sponge then discard the clingfilm.

I then spread the whole dome, right to the base of the sponge with meringue mix which I have prepared minutes before hand by whipping up 4 free range room temp egg whites and 200g of caster sugar with an electric hand mixer, I add a little cream of tartar to stabilise the mixture and know its ready when I can turn the bowl upside down and it does not slide out, it also should have glossy white peaks.

Back the whole meringue coated ice cream sponge based dome in a very hot preheated oven for 5 to 10 minutes or until the peaks are golden.

This stunt is made possible by scientific thinking, the ice cream is insulated by the air trapped in the sponge and meringue. Serve as a desert completes this exercise in baking therapy for me.