To Be or Not To Be

“To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life; William Shakespeare - To be, or not to be (from Hamlet 3/1) To be or not to be’ is the most famous words in the works of Shakespeare – probably, even perhaps the most famous anywhere. That is partly because the opening words are so interesting, memorable and intriguing but also because Shakespeare ranges around several cultures and practices to borrow the language for his images, and because he’s dealing here with profound concepts, putting complex philosophical ideas into the mouth of a character on a stage, communicating with an audience with a wide range of educational levels. The question for him was whether to continue to exist or not – whether it was more noble to suffer the slings and arrows of an unbearable situation, or to declare war on the sea of troubles that afflict one, and by opposing them, end them. To die. He pondered the prospect. To sleep – as simple as that. And with that sleep we end the heartaches and the thousand natural miseries that human beings have to endure. It’s an end that we would all ardently hope for. To die. To sleep. To sleep. Perhaps to dream. Yes, that was the problem, because in that sleep of death the dreams we might have when we have shed this mortal body must make us pause. That’s the consideration that creates the calamity of such a long life. Because, who would tolerate the whips and scorns of time; the tyrant’s offences against us; the contempt of proud men; the pain of rejected love; the insolence of officious authority; and the advantage that the worst people take of the best, when one could just release oneself with a naked blade? Who would carry this load, sweating and grunting under the burden of a weary life if it weren’t for the dread of the after life – that unexplored country from whose border no traveller returns? That’s the thing that confounds us and makes us put up with those evils that we know rather than hurry to others that we don’t know about. So thinking about it makes cowards of us all, and it follows that the first impulse to end our life is obscured by reflecting on it. And great and important plans are diluted to the point where we don’t do anything Very important words and thoughts to think about. Do you really think you have not been exposed to this? Even my son was from an early age (about 8) as the storyline of Disney film The Lion King is based on Hamlet so there you have it!!! One of my favorite books takes its name from above (what dreams may come by Richard Matheson) We all have trails and tribulations in our lives, it’s a regular rollercoster of a ride. Living can sometimes feel in effect, a kind of slow death, a submission to fortune's power. On the other hand, death is initiated by a life of action, rushing armed against a sea of troubles—a pretty hopeless project, if you think about it, well I don’t mean to the death of course but we must face our problems head on, fight for what is important in this life…whether its love, contact with your child, personal battles, we still must muster and march on forth. TO SLEEP, PERCHANCE TO DREAM…. Hamlet tries to take comfort in the idea that death is really "no more" than a kind of sleep, with the advantage of one's never having to get up in the morning. Do we really want to give in to outrageous fortunes in this modern world? No…we must never give in, always focus on it bigger picture but approach it with baby steps. Is it better to suffer the various ways in which it sucks to be alive, or to kill yourself? I am using the term “kill yourself” not in the hanging yourself from the rafters meaning but to simply give up and give in to what life throws at you, we can endure much more that we think we can and up with soak it up we can come out stronger in the end. various ways in which life sucks: the oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely (humiliation), the pangs of despised love [love’s rejection or realisation ], the law's delay, missing your child, fearing false gossip, the slow deterioration on dementia of a beloved mother…etc, etc, etc… These are the slings and arrows that fortune outrageously flings at you: annoying, but not immediately fatal. Only in aggregate are they possibly going to eventually end you but don’t allow them to accumulate, search out the good and fight against the bad and unjust, speak out about your fears and don’t be afraid to call out love when you see it. Strength is born from within, never forget.

Open Letter to Sam

Well here it is…..Post number 100, what can I write about for the number which follows 99 and precedes 101? An Open Letter to my Son Sam who is currently 11 years old as I write this tonight (27th Oct 2015) and will be 12 on November the 5th. This post may not be of any interest to the vast majority but then I don’t do these blogs for others, I do this cause I enjoy it and if my son is to read this tomorrow, the next day, next year or 10 years in the future if this humble “outpour” is still online then good. It’s a virtual message in a bottle drifting along the flow of the internet and may be of interest (hopefully not of embarrassment) if he were to google my name and read my rants and ravings.

Dear Sam, A friend once told me, many years ago before you were born. He said that when you become a father it brings out emotions in you that you never knew existed. Feelings and fears you did not know where possible. I could believe this but never appreciated it until you were born on the 5th of November 2003, I will also add joy and pride to that list too Sam, cause I have never been happier since you came into my life and could never been more prouder of you my son.

You were born extremely premature. Born at 28 weeks with 25 weeks growth your birth weight was only 1lbs 9ozs which later dropped to 1lbs 7ozs. It was just have 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon when Dr Paul Holmes delivered you into this world and changed my life for the better. There was a radio playing that afternoon in the delivery room and the song was Robbie Williams singing “Millennium”, I remember it as if it was just yesterday. Then I heard what I thought was a little bird chirping but was actually your little cries. I then could hear the nurses counting up to ten twice, which I just knew was them counting your little toes and fingers, then I had just a fleeting glimpse as they wheeled you past in the incubator towards the neonatal ward, they placed a little blue woolly hat on your head to help keep you warm, you were (are) perfect. I had to wait 3 long hours before I could come into the neonatal ward to see you, they had to settle you there first before I could join you. These were the longest hours of my life!! The doctors spoke to me and tried to prepare me for the worst, they said they could only give a 10 percent odds of your surviving as you were so tiny but even then I just knew you would survive, get stronger, get better and I never gave up, just as I will never ever give up on you now son, or ever. When I finally got to see you in the ward, inside your little incubator you were tinny tiny, you looked like a little baby bird who fell out of the nest, you lay on top of the smallest nappy as there was not one small enough to fit you. You had these little black eyes as you were so premature they were not fully developed yet. I put my hand into the incubator and cupped your tiny head, I touched your little hand and you grabbed my finger, the first time I held my son’s hand, a moment so precious to me it still warms my heart to its core thinking about that moment to this day.

I am so very proud of you Sam, I remember when I taught you to swim, you were so brave, it was so easy to learn you, you took to the water like a little fish and soon you had no need for the inflatable arm bands. When I put you to bed at night I read you stories, your favourites were by David Walliams and Roald Dahl. You took such delight listening and following the words on the page, correcting me if I was to miss any words. Keep reading Sam, both fiction and non-fiction. Always have a thirst for knowledge, never just accept what you hear. Always look for proof, for evidence, see, hear, smell and feel, never just accept without question, whatever conclusions you come to, however you lead your life, beliefs, politics, loves and careers I will always give you my unconditional love and support my son, always. Speak the truth Sam, never lie, be brave and don’t follow the flock, think for yourself and stand up and speak out. Never allow an injustice to pass when you know there is something you can do about it. Never take advantage of the weak or allow anyone to take advantage of you but help others who need your help, protect the vulnerable from those who would prey upon them. Never fear to stand up and be counted, think with your head and follow your heart, never allow love to pass you without making it know, don’t fear rejection, just don’t hide your feelings or you will forever regret that you never tried to pick that moment when it was ripe, it may not be reciprocated but it’s a deep sorrow not to try, try your best, if you feel love then don’t shy away from it, make the other person aware …life is too short, fight for that love but know when to accept if it’s not to be and always be a gentleman and hold your head up high, there is never any shame to talk with your heart when its sincere.

I spoke to your teachers about the “blue eye / brown eye” experiment, I am very proud of you Sam, we are all brothers and sisters on this tiny planet orbiting its insignificant star, we need to celebrate our diversities and not find reason to hate. Never hate Sam, it will destroy you, only love but know when to walk away. Don’t regret the past, only learn the lessons it gives and use to improve your future, every day is a school day. You are a unique person Sam, one size does not fit all, just always be yourself and never compromise your personality. Only try to be the very best person which you can. Respect others and value friendship, don’t judge or talk bad about others. Always have a goal to strive towards.

Never accept a pre-cooked packet of beliefs, question everything son. Don’t shut your mind to doubts. Never harm others in your own endeavour to make a meaningful life but also don’t allow others to hold you back If there is a single question taken to be the ultimate philosophical question, it is: What is the meaning of life? The answer I have (in my opinion) for you is the meaning of your life is the meaning you give it. It consists in what you create through the identification and pursuit of endeavours that your talents fit you for and your interests draw you to. Together with the relationships you form in the process. First and foremost, good relationships give meaning to life, so does worthwhile goals; so do pleasure and enjoyment; so do respect and friendship, both given and received in the course of endeavour. Life can thus be very rich in meaning. Reread this Sam, depending on when you read this study and learn any new words you don’t yet understand, this statement is very important. You will make mistake, just like me but learn from them to become stronger. Life can be like a false spring Sam, the sun shines, it is warm, crocuses and daffodils bloom then suddenly it gets freezing and wet again but never allow disappointments to keep you down, hope is the reason we always continue and you will always have my love and support my son, always and without conditions. Hope was the last creature who flew out of Pandora’s box (Greek mythology, please read about this Sam, such things are important to modern thinking and enriching) there is always hope and that sustains us, that and love. I love you son, I am so proud of you and you will always be the very best of me and always have my full support and love with wherever you go in life. Daddy xxx (below is a picture of me in between your Grandparents)

(below is a picture of Dr Paul Holmes who delivered you Sam, I am so very thankful to this man)

27th October

October is almost at an end. The leaves are certainly falling from the trees now, across the road from my bedroom window I can see the big oaks shedding their load, the fruit trees in my garden will soon be bare and just last week I collected the apples from them. October is the tenth month of the year in the Gregorian Calendar , but it’s the eighth in the Roman Calendar. October retained its name from the Latin octō meaning "eight" which brings me nicely on to a book I have recently read. “The soul of an Octopus” by Sy Montgomery is a very interesting read. I have always been fascinated with marine life and none more so than the startlingly strange Octopuses which would not look out of place in sci-fi movies about aliens. They can grow to over 100 pounds in weight and stretch more than 8 feet long yet still can squeeze their boneless bodies through an opening the size of an orange. They have a beak like a parrot, some have venom like a snake and a tongue covered with teeth, they can change colour and squirt ink and are remarkably intelligent. They have their own personalities and can solve the most complex puzzles to gain food or to escape. Being invertebrate animals with brains that are very different from ours but still with amazing intelligence and emotions. It’s a very sad story of a short octopus life (about 4 years). It makes you realise that just because not all creatures look like human beings it does not mean that they do not possess a soul or feel pain or have feelings, it is a case that us mere humans no nothing at all about the creatures we share the earth with, only that we can kill them and eat them. Nature is red in tooth and claw and we are after all just animals and part of nature too.

Last month I went to The Playhouse in Edinburgh to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels the musical. (I missed it in London last year) Like so many musicals these days, the show is based on a film. It was really fun, it is a highly entertaining show, rather than a great one, that is largely because the songs by David Yazbek are largely a pastiche of a wide variety of styles ranging from Oklahoma hoedown to big power ballads and French chanson. The effect is witty, and the lyrics are sharp. The action is set on the French Riviera, where a debonair English con man masquerading as a disinherited prince seduces unattached ladies and persuades them to part with their cash. He has the local police chief in his pocket and all is going well, until a rival con man arrives in town, and threatens to queer his lucrative pitch. I got a good view from seats in the stalls down the front, an enjoyable evening.

I also saw Aldous Huxley’s a Brave New World at the Kings Theatre in Edinburgh too last month. Its also was really good and food for thought. It was clever how they casted the audience as new recruits at the London Hatchery, where future citizens are named after Greek alphabet letters and designed to specification. Lowly sewer workers are clones with no sense of smell; Alphas are all good-looking; Betas are engineered with sufficient intelligence to do their job, but not enough to question the system.

Put my baking skills to the test recently by baking a Lemon and Raspberry cake, I won’t hit you with every step, if you want the recipe you can find it in The Clandestine Cake Club cookbook by Lynn Hill. It was delicious with 200 grams of fresh raspberries, lemon zest, butter cream filling and icing sugar.

Here's a wee idea for schools in Scotland...I think alternate maps with the South Pole at the top should be added to school walls to stop northern hemisphere chauvinism! Then children will be reminded that "North" is an arbitrary polarity which does not always mean up! A very good conscious raiser!!

7-10 years for a New Me

Think of an experience from your childhood, something you remember clearly, a smell or a touch, something you saw. Now for the bombshell....you weren't there, not one single atom that's in your body was there during that event ....that really makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up!!! We are but memories so create some good ones folks. Matter flows from one place to another and momentary comes together to be the person you are. The little red haired boy I was at primary school has been scattered to the wind and the atomic makeup has been scattered to the wind 2 or 3 times since then, only the DNA time stamp remains.

According to researchers, the body replaces itself with a largely new set of cells every seven years to 10 years, and some of our most important parts are revamped even more rapidly In the early '50s, researchers discovered the body's rejuvenating power by feeding and injecting subjects with radioactive atoms and observing their movement. They found that, on average, 98 percent of the atoms inside the body – the smallest units of matter, which form the molecules that help comprise bodily cells – are replaced each year. Most new atoms are taken in through the good Scottish air we breathe, the food we eat and the liquids we drink. More than five decades later, Swedish molecular biologist Dr. Jonas Frisen studied body tissue renewal by measuring levels of a radioactive material called carbon-14. This material was released in the air before testing nuclear weapons aboveground was banned in 1963. Carbon-14 is breathed in by plants, which humans and animals eat every day, and is part of our DNA. But unlike other atoms and molecules that are constantly changing, a person's DNA remains the same from the day of a cell's birth – which occurs when a parent cell divides – throughout its life span. When a cell divides, in other words, the DNA incorporated in the new cell includes a certain level of carbon-14 that corresponds to the level of the material in the air around us at the time. This serves as a time stamp of sorts, by which researchers can determine when the cell was created based on the level of carbon-14 in its DNA

What Frisen found is that the body's cells largely replace themselves every 7 to 10 years. In other words, old cells mostly die and are replaced by new ones during this time span. The cell renewal process happens more quickly in certain parts of the body, but head-to-toe rejuvenation can take up to a decade or so. If you think of what age you have “out grown” an allergy it (well at least in my case) always appears to be dividable by 7. That explains why our skin flakes off, our nails grow and our hair falls out. But if we are constantly being filled with brand-spanking-new cells, why is it that the body grows old? When it comes to aging, it appears that the secret lies not in our cells but, more specifically, in the cellular DNA

Thought for tonight on a melancholy evening

Thought for tonight on a melancholy evening, sponsored by Laphroaig cask strength single malt and brought to you from under the warmth of a heated faux fur throw in a house in Falkirk ...How lucky we are to be alive, given that the vast majority of people who could be thrown up by the combination lottery of DNA will in fact never be born. Try imagining the relative brevity of life by imagining a laser-thin spotlight creeping along a gigantic ruler (the old wooden type we had at school) of time. Everything before or after that spotlight is shrouded in the darkness of the dead past, or the darkness of the unknown future. We are staggeringly lucky to find ourself in the spotlight however brief our time is under the sun. If we waste a second of it, or complain it is dull or like a child say it is boring then this is a callous insult to those unborn trillions who will never even be offered life in the first place. Mark Twain once famously wrote.."I do not fear death, I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and I had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it" His words are very true, being dead will be no different from being unborn, I will just be as I was during the time of Willian Wallace, the dinosaurs or the trilobites. I believe I will rot and nothing of my ego will remain, I am 43, I love life, I love my son, I love the natural wonderment of looking outside my window onto my garden when the sun is shinning or listening to the rain pattering against my window when I try to sleep. But should I shiver with terror at the thought of annihilation? Oh yes, I fear the pain and unpleasantness depending on the luck of my departure, I fear forgetting the names of the ones I love and have loved as I have seem from visiting my mother who suffers from dementia, the same woman who I would run to as a child when I fell grazing my knee knowing that the only cure to offset my tears would be her kiss to make it better. The smell of my baby Sam and the sight of his eyes filling with tears when crying and the excitement on his little face on Christmas morning when he walked in to see Santa had left him his desired tinytykes climbing car. I remember being in love, the spring in my step, that walking on clouds feeling and how every sight seen seemed to continue into infinity and how inspired I would write words for my muse, I remember heartbreak, how hollow my heart felt and how I struggled for breath. I remember my Dad, his big callused hands which would pick me up and throw me onto his shoulders, the smell of old spice aftershave on his neck and the little pieces of news print on his chin were he cut himself shaving. I remember my older brother, how he use to pick me up upon returning from his work wearing blue overalls and the view of the curls on top of his head as he hurled me around the room up light like a aeroplane to my shrieks of joy...such memories now in the past and never to be repeated. On some aspects it sucks being born Homo sapien (ignore this statement if you live in Switzerland or the Netherlands or some other enlightened place not cursed by the influence of religion) I see death as terminal not transitional, if you believe you have but once life you tend to appreciate it more and not require any moral compass to know how to lead your "midgie fart existence in the grand scale of things" to its fullest.