We Live in Deeds, not Years

There is a poem which I love called "we live in deeds, not years" We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts, not breaths; In feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart-throbs. He most lives Who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best. And he whose heart beats quickest lives the longest: Lives in one hour more than in years do some Whose fat blood sleeps as it slips along their veins. Life’s but a means unto an end; that end, Beginning, mean, and end to all things—God. The dead have all the glory of the world. I really like this but being an atheist I would prefer there was not a reference to an omnipresence which is understandable considering it was written in the 1800s and Bailey was influenced by Bryron so I much prefer the “bastardised” secular version on this which the modern philosopher A.C. Grayling used in the introduction of his “Good Book” secular Bibe which goes as this.... For we live in deeds, not years; in thoughts, not breaths; and our time should be counted in the throbs of our hearts as we love and help, learn and strive, and make from our own talents whatever can increase the stock of the world’s good. I read this over and over again and it never loses its initial impact on me! Although I do miss Bailey’s “fat blood sleeps as it slips along their veins” which is so descriptive of many who we unfortunately meet in the paths of our lives. Our life can feel like we are on a roundabout, a carousel like you see at the Edinburgh Christmas market, a merry-go-round at a fair. We wake up, go to work, finish, go to the gym, go home, eat, read, sleep, repeat. Perhaps go out to a club or a restaurant as a brief reprieve now and again, we go round and around and think that our life is a good one, but really we are fooling ourselves, “fat blood sleeps as it slips along their veins” there is no adventure in this. Do we think we can find adventure in an all inclusive holiday sipping cocktails by a pool? Does our hearts throb if we play tennis or golf at the weekends? Are we really coming off that turn-table or are we still just going around and around? One day that carousel we ride turns into a whirlpool, a vortex that threatens to suck us under. The most recent “vortex event” in my life was a prolonged death and decay of my dear mother who over the period of 3 years lost all her facilities to Alzheimer’s disease then eventually succumbing to vascular dementia. Sometimes we need that vortex to wake us up from the sleepy momentum that we experience on the carousel of life, something to put everything in perspective. We can’t and should not wait for such events, if you are lucky and blessed then perhaps such a whirlpool will not disrupt your life, hopefully when the cold hand of mortality lands of your heart due to someone that you love’s death it will not be so intense. so I have a little advice for you, as you go spinning around, turn one eye to the side every now and again. Look over the edge of the carousel and focus on a fixed object. Find a way to calculate your progress otherwise life will just pass before you wake up. We do need the bad so we can appreciate the good and understand that life is too short. Even when we led a blessed life without risk we still yearn excitement. The earliest stories even cite this, allow me to use a story from the “goat herder’s guide to the galaxy” the Adam and Eve story, they lived in a paradise, immortal, without labour or any pain. But still this abundance was not enough, what they lacked became their want!! Even in Eden they felt denied. They never had that perspective to value what they had. What is good without evil, love without hate? In my case I value life more when I have saw death up close and held the person I loved as I felt her last breath turn to air on my cheek, that puts life in perspective and how short it is, experiences such as that, also of my father and brother, such experiences open your eyes and allow the light of life to shine in. Perverse though as it maybe, the logic of it cant be denied. How can you truly appreciate seeing your opponent being counted out when you have never tasted the canvas yourself? How can you walk off a stage after a presentation and feel 10 feet tall if you have never knew the ache of painful shyness? We are not the fictional (by secular words) Adam and Even so we don’t have immortality but at least on these shores as I write from Scotland in the UK (and visitors to be blog will surely have access to the internet wherever you are so not 3rd world) we are spoilt with abundance and need the Damocles sword to dangle above our heads, we need adventure!! We yearn danger. We are creatures of desires that can not be satisfied and of dreams that will not come true yet we must set sail into the horizon every now and again to meet the storm face on, because it’s there that we will find the excitement we yearn for and will feel more fulfilled. Its outside of our comfort zones where we grow and develop the most. It’s these moments were our hearts beat the fastest. Each and every one of us should know these moments and continue pushing and seeking them out. Some maybe more extreme than others but each one of us has our own personal battles to face and we should not judge others, what they struggle with we may take for granted but that does not mean the mountain they have to climb is any less than the one we face, each to their own, we all have our personal demons to fight. The two most important events in my life are when I held my son’s hand for the first time and when I held my mum’s for the last.

Every ounce of my being when looked upon my son was a hope that he will be happy and lead a fulfilling life to the full, when holding my mum, I cried with the memories I had with her knowing that this would be the last. My hope is that my time comes it will be my son holding me, knowing how much I love his and having such memories with me, and I also want to know that in my life, despite any deficiencies or awkwardness I had, I lived it to the full and fear never deterred me from adventure. Never feel making a fool of yourself attempting to enjoy life. The fools are these arseholes who attempt to judge you as they sit on the sidelines, when the day comes to cash in your chips if you have led life to the full you will regret nothing!! Life is too short for fears.