On the 5th of November 2003 just after 3pm the most important person in my life was born.
After being born, due to him being extremely premature he was whisked away to the neonatal ward, once settled there I was allowed to visit him, I tenderly placed my hand in his incubator and he grabbed a hold of my finger, words will never give justice to how I felt.
A new level of emotions opened up to me then when I had my son in this world.
A joy, a love, a pride but then also a fear, I knew then and know now, when you have someone in this world that you love unconditionally with all your heart you now have a vulnerability, an Achilles heel, a raised chin which you can never protect and if someone can’t hurt you direct they will use who you most love to get at you.
I have not seen Sam for near 3 years now, I have fought exhaustedly for near 5 years to have a relationship with my son, I have never given up, how can it be possible to give up on someone you love?
Not as long as I have a breath in my body shall I give up on my son. I can’t go into details about this struggle, firstly because its ongoing and a very antiquated family court system don’t not look kindly on publishing its failures, secondly I refuse to criticise someone as it I can’t change who is Sam’s family, Sam will read this blog one day as the internet makes the world a small place, and I have no intentions to influence his mind.
For someone to attempt to cut away half of a child’s roots is unforgivable, I refuse to follow suit out of spite as this would potentially damage my son more, I am not a religious person my there seems to be a balance in this universe and Karma seems to work, Sam won’t be a child for ever, it’s easy to manipulate a child but as they grow they start to wonder, they get curious and the truth always finds a way to surface.
From my point there is two ways I could go as my heart hurts missing my son, I could go down the weak road, feel sorry for myself, get depressed and self-destruct or I could become a stronger person, build my life, progress in my career and be the support and stability for when my son comes back into my life either still as a child or an adult as after such abuse from others he will need a rock and I will be there for him, unconditionally,I have chosen this latter path. I will never bad mouth anyone to him but the papers and reports will be available for him to decide himself.
One day he may be a father himself, then perhaps he will know the pain of just being away from his child for the shortest period. He will also think back how I loved him, the memories which some have tried to erase, reading his bed time stories to him, playing in the garden, going crazy golfing, the cinema, the theatre. The most important thing you can ever give your child in your time and he always had mine and always will.
Parental alienation is more common than ever these days, but yet it not being handled by the family courts efficiently or in a timely manner. This is gradually changing. Already Cafcass, who do child reports for the courts in England have spoken out and described it as emotional child abuse, as damaging and often more so than physical child abuse.
There are plenty of papers publish by child physiologist which can be read on the internet about the damaging effect this has on children, more are getting published every week, more people are slowly understanding this.
The tide is changing very slowly; social acceptance is changing. once upon a time a drink driving was although not endorsed by society it was often laughed off as silliness but now it is severely considered as very dangerous and a serious offence by society and rightly so, the same sample can be used about texting or talking on the phone whilst driving, over time parental alienation will be considered the same and the alienators will be identified as child abusers and rightly so…but alas like all changes of public perception this is happening very slowly and the UK is still lagging behind other countries such as Italy and Mexico where if a parent stops another parent seeing their child then they go to jail….simples!!
I can only wish my son Sam the very best birthday from a distance, but my love never dilutes, I never give up, being a father is what I am proudest of in this world and what I am best at, I would walk through fire for him, love is an overused word in this world but it does not nearly go far enough to describe how I feel about my son. The only people who can ever underestimate this is people who don’t know real love, some people think they know but they dont. That moment when Sam held my finger a couple of hours after he was born, that was my heart committed for life, I never let go, I never will!
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