Open Letter to Sam

Well here it is…..Post number 100, what can I write about for the number which follows 99 and precedes 101? An Open Letter to my Son Sam who is currently 11 years old as I write this tonight (27th Oct 2015) and will be 12 on November the 5th. This post may not be of any interest to the vast majority but then I don’t do these blogs for others, I do this cause I enjoy it and if my son is to read this tomorrow, the next day, next year or 10 years in the future if this humble “outpour” is still online then good. It’s a virtual message in a bottle drifting along the flow of the internet and may be of interest (hopefully not of embarrassment) if he were to google my name and read my rants and ravings.

Dear Sam, A friend once told me, many years ago before you were born. He said that when you become a father it brings out emotions in you that you never knew existed. Feelings and fears you did not know where possible. I could believe this but never appreciated it until you were born on the 5th of November 2003, I will also add joy and pride to that list too Sam, cause I have never been happier since you came into my life and could never been more prouder of you my son.

You were born extremely premature. Born at 28 weeks with 25 weeks growth your birth weight was only 1lbs 9ozs which later dropped to 1lbs 7ozs. It was just have 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon when Dr Paul Holmes delivered you into this world and changed my life for the better. There was a radio playing that afternoon in the delivery room and the song was Robbie Williams singing “Millennium”, I remember it as if it was just yesterday. Then I heard what I thought was a little bird chirping but was actually your little cries. I then could hear the nurses counting up to ten twice, which I just knew was them counting your little toes and fingers, then I had just a fleeting glimpse as they wheeled you past in the incubator towards the neonatal ward, they placed a little blue woolly hat on your head to help keep you warm, you were (are) perfect. I had to wait 3 long hours before I could come into the neonatal ward to see you, they had to settle you there first before I could join you. These were the longest hours of my life!! The doctors spoke to me and tried to prepare me for the worst, they said they could only give a 10 percent odds of your surviving as you were so tiny but even then I just knew you would survive, get stronger, get better and I never gave up, just as I will never ever give up on you now son, or ever. When I finally got to see you in the ward, inside your little incubator you were tinny tiny, you looked like a little baby bird who fell out of the nest, you lay on top of the smallest nappy as there was not one small enough to fit you. You had these little black eyes as you were so premature they were not fully developed yet. I put my hand into the incubator and cupped your tiny head, I touched your little hand and you grabbed my finger, the first time I held my son’s hand, a moment so precious to me it still warms my heart to its core thinking about that moment to this day.

I am so very proud of you Sam, I remember when I taught you to swim, you were so brave, it was so easy to learn you, you took to the water like a little fish and soon you had no need for the inflatable arm bands. When I put you to bed at night I read you stories, your favourites were by David Walliams and Roald Dahl. You took such delight listening and following the words on the page, correcting me if I was to miss any words. Keep reading Sam, both fiction and non-fiction. Always have a thirst for knowledge, never just accept what you hear. Always look for proof, for evidence, see, hear, smell and feel, never just accept without question, whatever conclusions you come to, however you lead your life, beliefs, politics, loves and careers I will always give you my unconditional love and support my son, always. Speak the truth Sam, never lie, be brave and don’t follow the flock, think for yourself and stand up and speak out. Never allow an injustice to pass when you know there is something you can do about it. Never take advantage of the weak or allow anyone to take advantage of you but help others who need your help, protect the vulnerable from those who would prey upon them. Never fear to stand up and be counted, think with your head and follow your heart, never allow love to pass you without making it know, don’t fear rejection, just don’t hide your feelings or you will forever regret that you never tried to pick that moment when it was ripe, it may not be reciprocated but it’s a deep sorrow not to try, try your best, if you feel love then don’t shy away from it, make the other person aware …life is too short, fight for that love but know when to accept if it’s not to be and always be a gentleman and hold your head up high, there is never any shame to talk with your heart when its sincere.

I spoke to your teachers about the “blue eye / brown eye” experiment, I am very proud of you Sam, we are all brothers and sisters on this tiny planet orbiting its insignificant star, we need to celebrate our diversities and not find reason to hate. Never hate Sam, it will destroy you, only love but know when to walk away. Don’t regret the past, only learn the lessons it gives and use to improve your future, every day is a school day. You are a unique person Sam, one size does not fit all, just always be yourself and never compromise your personality. Only try to be the very best person which you can. Respect others and value friendship, don’t judge or talk bad about others. Always have a goal to strive towards.

Never accept a pre-cooked packet of beliefs, question everything son. Don’t shut your mind to doubts. Never harm others in your own endeavour to make a meaningful life but also don’t allow others to hold you back If there is a single question taken to be the ultimate philosophical question, it is: What is the meaning of life? The answer I have (in my opinion) for you is the meaning of your life is the meaning you give it. It consists in what you create through the identification and pursuit of endeavours that your talents fit you for and your interests draw you to. Together with the relationships you form in the process. First and foremost, good relationships give meaning to life, so does worthwhile goals; so do pleasure and enjoyment; so do respect and friendship, both given and received in the course of endeavour. Life can thus be very rich in meaning. Reread this Sam, depending on when you read this study and learn any new words you don’t yet understand, this statement is very important. You will make mistake, just like me but learn from them to become stronger. Life can be like a false spring Sam, the sun shines, it is warm, crocuses and daffodils bloom then suddenly it gets freezing and wet again but never allow disappointments to keep you down, hope is the reason we always continue and you will always have my love and support my son, always and without conditions. Hope was the last creature who flew out of Pandora’s box (Greek mythology, please read about this Sam, such things are important to modern thinking and enriching) there is always hope and that sustains us, that and love. I love you son, I am so proud of you and you will always be the very best of me and always have my full support and love with wherever you go in life. Daddy xxx (below is a picture of me in between your Grandparents)

(below is a picture of Dr Paul Holmes who delivered you Sam, I am so very thankful to this man)